Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
