I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think people are normalizing furries
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
