office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
