yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
