i barfeds in our rink
Say something about gay babies.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize