When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm always down for nudity.
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