I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
