dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The power of my boobs compel you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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