Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
