so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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