Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
