Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
