So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
