Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
