if only i could text you this smell
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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