I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
