I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
