Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
