Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
