I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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