im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
