VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love having hate sex.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
