I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
