if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
