He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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