i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
