how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
