I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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