Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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