Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
