Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
