Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
