hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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