i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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