officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
