I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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