If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize