What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
