I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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