Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
