So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
