CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
