Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
