It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize