Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
