I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
