i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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