drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
