You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
