Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
