so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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