Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
