oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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