i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
