just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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