i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
