my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
