Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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