PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
