Pappa wants mamma naked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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