Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
