First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
