He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize