i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
