I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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