just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize