I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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