This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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