R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
