I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
