I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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