the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
please come you make the beer taste better
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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