So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
