My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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