yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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