Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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