You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
