So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
