I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
