Do you still have your period?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
