I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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