Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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