erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
