I have demons in me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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