He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
