i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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