I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
