how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
