It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize