I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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