put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
