If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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