Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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