Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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