my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
