I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
