the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
