I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
