It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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