This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
