i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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