I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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