Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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