i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
