I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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