i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
