what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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